Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize