she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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