Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
