We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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