Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
