thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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