I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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