I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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