I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
