so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
