I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
