You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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