sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
