I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
