Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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