My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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