The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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