Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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