How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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