I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're like the curious george of whores
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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