nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I would fuck him just for his dog
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
