You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
