i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had sex on a roof
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
