that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
