i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
