I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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