How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
