i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
