Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
