the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
