I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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