You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
