You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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