I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
