I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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