you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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