Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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