my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
