Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
