i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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