Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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