Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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