I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
