totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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