i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
