My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
