I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
