Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
