Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
