Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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