Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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