ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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