Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
