Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
