Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
