nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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