yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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