im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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