you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
