You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
