Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
