Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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