I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She is in my trunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
