I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
