I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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