after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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