Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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