Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
