I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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