champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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