I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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