I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
