Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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