My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
