Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
