just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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