Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
