so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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