I wish I only lived at night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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