I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
