We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
